Panic Disorder

What was the trigger? Nothing really happened. Something inside is chocking me! I'm swollen, much bigger, my throat is tight. It's closing in, and I can't breathe! Sweating profusely, cascading droplets of fear. My mind is fractured, rapidly, racing! My chest pounding, ready to tear. My heart aggressively, pulpatating! My bodies is breaking, ready to... Continue Reading →

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Joker Grin.

Just because you don't understand, doesn't mean its not happening. Just because your soul is free, doesn't mean demons aren't trapping me! Don't tell me to get over myself, you can't feel my anguish. You don't know how you would spiral if you felt like this?! Every day when I wake up, I follow through... Continue Reading →

I’m the real her!

This is a second part to the poem, 'The Other Me' I actually got inspiration for this one through music and when I perform it (to myself) I actually rap the words. Whilst I can see it works as a rap I can not! Any way I hope you guys enjoy it?! I'm raging inside... Continue Reading →

Panic Attack.

Bish, bosh, bash. You're under attack! Your heart skips a beat, and you weren't expecting that! Smash, bang, wollop, I mean what a load of bollocks? It's punched you straight through the chest, and on the floor you dollop. A panic you've never experienced just shot through your chest. So much pain, you look down... Continue Reading →

Sickness through out my body and mind.

A satisfying sight, the recovery from a fight. The sun shines brightly and the world's a delight. At least I can breathe and the cancerous pollution no longer has me. Finally I feel the glory, finally I'm free, the path is clear for me to see. Well didnt that start off so sweet, the remmsion... Continue Reading →

More medication

Have you ever had those years, where you just can't catch a break? Where you'll have a glimpse of life, then something grabs it for the take. My health is very selfish and wants me all alone. Lying, pathetic in my bed with my mobile phone. It's hungry for medication and injections galore. Doesn't really... Continue Reading →

BITCH!

I don't know if it's lack of motivation, sadness or both, but I haven't got the energy to people today. The thing is it's happening more and more, it's become completely normal, and I know that's not ok! However it's easy to collapse in this pit of despair, harder to claw your way back to... Continue Reading →

My bed, my only friend.

I gravitate towards my bed. I like to rest my weary head. Should I venture out instead? Nah, you know, I'd rather be dead. Socialize with other demons. None of them are really human. Stay inside and don't go near them. I'll just stay alone in here then. Why would I want any friends? Many... Continue Reading →

Wash away the sadness

I'm so terribly sad, so much so my stomach hurts. The pain rises up and burst out! I'm broken and nothing works. A shell lost amongst the fishes, in the deep blue sea. They swim and frolic happily beside me. I'm unnoticeable, a small gem at the bottom of the ocean. The waves wash me... Continue Reading →

My new face.

I just looked in the mirror and didn't recognise my reflection. When did I get an old ladies complexion? When did my eyes start to look this tired? When did these turn up, these wrinkles all wired? Why when I frown, do lines decorate my face? Grey hairs sprinkled all over the place! Why when... Continue Reading →

Anxiety Elf.

Things were approaching normal again. The mainstream, just in sight. I even went on date yesterday and I had a lovely night. I went to bed all content, and wrapped up all in joy. Well, until my anxiety popped up, just to annoy! "For goodness sake anxiety, why can't you let me be?" "Well I... Continue Reading →

Pretty.

Oh my, I am overcome with ugliness today. Tears cascade down my cheeks longing for a change. Sickness bubbles in the pit of my gut. Burning my soul on the way up. Wallowing in self doubt and lotheable pity. Wishing once again that I could be pretty. Watching the beauties on show before me, looking... Continue Reading →

Panic to Death

I had a month or two with some kind of break, but this last week it's hard to just wake. Wrapped up in my blankets so warm, my eyes flicker open and the tele is on. Festive apparel plasters the screen. I'm supposed to fill with a fuzzy feeling. But I can't bring my self... Continue Reading →

A very honest entry.

Do you ever have those conflicting feelings? For instance I hate the way I look right now because I'm fat and disgusting. However I have a massive urge to stuff my face with carbs and dairy, also sushi but I always crave sushi! I'm not actually stuffing my face but I am fantasizing about a... Continue Reading →

The Plan Behind The Booze

Alcohol, the socially acceptable drug, truly poisonous but feels like a hug. The elixir, a combination sweet and bitter, the taste of heaven until hell hit her. At first it wraps you in happiness and love then embarks a folly of distrust. A haze you're now in with memories a flutter, deep down you know... Continue Reading →

Anxiety Train.

Your shadowy figure lingers close. Your ghastly stench right under my nose. My heart is pounding quickly with fear, by the sound of your whispers close to my ear. Your presence creepy, evil and rough, making my body subzero to touch. The metallic aroma surrounding my mouth, filling the rest of my body with doubt.... Continue Reading →

Right in the middle of it!

It has been an other few weeks of doubt and anguish, and not because I'm in physical pain or have been overly ill. However it's the mental anguish that torments so many of us! We all deal with pain in different ways. Some inflict pain with the use of drugs, drink even food. Others actually... Continue Reading →

Chance

I'm scared tonight as the side effects have kicked in. I am sweating up a storm and my stomach is churning. I'm freaking out because things are about to get bad. Even though I need to do this or the cancer comes back. But truly I'm really shitting myself. I'm about to drop an immune... Continue Reading →

Getting there

I woke up with a smile today and thought about outside. Then I got extra mad when I had realised, I won’t be doing that today as I am far too sick. My dreams had lied to me and played a little trick. Made me think I could walk out there without my chair or... Continue Reading →

Angry

I was given a second chance. My life began again. Then it was grabbed from under me and now all I feel is pain. The doctors smile politely as I greet them pale and grey. They talk of medication, cures and instructions I must obey. They fill me with poison that kills the poison killing... Continue Reading →

Short not sweet!

Scary little water cascading down your face. Induce claticismic fear and your heart beings to race. Passing out upon the floor as to slow your pace. Hollow and unfeeling that has left a bitter taste. Crawling through the night, lost in a forgetful haze. Struggling through the filth and doing so for days. Exhaustion fills... Continue Reading →

Arguing with Anxiety

I feel sick and my body is shaking. It's not a cold or flu. All of my insides are aching. Now I can't breathe too. Unfortunately I know what's coming. But it will not stop. That's right stick concrete down my throat. Then stack up bricks on top. The rational side is slowly fading. My... Continue Reading →

Just Breathe

"Just breathe." The say. "You're getting better why are you crying?" "Well because every day my body does not function and I feel like I'm dying." "But why?" They say. "You had good news, you're getting fitter!" "Whist that might be true for my body my mind feels sicker." "We don't understand?" They say. "You... Continue Reading →

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