Panic Disorder

What was the trigger? Nothing really happened. Something inside is chocking me! I'm swollen, much bigger, my throat is tight. It's closing in, and I can't breathe! Sweating profusely, cascading droplets of fear. My mind is fractured, rapidly, racing! My chest pounding, ready to tear. My heart aggressively, pulpatating! My bodies is breaking, ready to... Continue Reading →

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No Trust No Love

I'll never experience a real love. I'm just too broken and twisted. I had a chance or two before, but unfortunately I missed it! I killed all the potential loves, As I feel I am not worthy. These people could never fall in love with the likes of me! Those times a person reached out,... Continue Reading →

Dear Patient

Hey dear patient, can you be patient? Seriously, you'll just have to wait. Yes your results are disconcerting but we're pushing back the date. Oh, you've been deathly sick before, but then you're used to this? I mean you could be at the last stages, but what's a week to be missed? If you need... Continue Reading →

Possessed

Tears streamed down her face as she was hit with the realization that no one could hear her. She felt like she was screaming out in pain, but instead the hurt just hid, burried deep inside. She tried to dig her way back out, clawing at anything she could. However the harder she looked, the... Continue Reading →

The right to my name!

Hot, blisters in the pit of my stomach, hellfire engulfs my flesh. Deeper and deeper I descend into darkness. Chaos about to burst from my chest. Further and further I crash through the pit, smashing into obstacles along the way. Razor blade objects cut through my soul, ripping, slicing and chipping away. I can see... Continue Reading →

Monster in my mind

I don't know why this is happening? I don't want to die! But lately I've been contemplating, my own suicide. Got that tricky demon whispering, living in my mind. Make the world swallow me whole, I really want to hide! It tells me lots of lies, to make me think I'm bad. Makes me think... Continue Reading →

Fearful and manic!

I'm feeling super anxious today, I actually might throw up?! I don't want people to see me. I wanna hide. It's just too much! I don't want to be on show, if it isn't on my terms. My stomach and throat tightens, splits and over turns. The panic stiffens my body, my neck and jaw... Continue Reading →

When you try.

It's happened again, I tried to be normal. Every time I move, I nearly fall. My legs are stiff, my bones are broken, the pain in my body had risen and woken. Stuck in one place for hours and hours, unable to even get washed in the shower. The more I try the harder my... Continue Reading →

Thanks for the Invite

You look so well, how have you been? It's been a long time since you were seen. You seem, healthy and smily, really happy. Yes but deep down inside I feel really crappy. I can't tell you that coz it'll dampen the mood. So I just smile and nod, try not to be rude. I... Continue Reading →

To the monster in my nightmares

Please stop tapping on the window, you can't come in. I'm trying to sleep and your interfering. I want to dream wonderful things, get away from reality. You're here every night, why are you stalking me? What are you doing here, what do you want? Shall I write 'STAY OUT' on the window in big... Continue Reading →

No Thanks

This isn't about anyone in particular, but a collective of passed lovers from when I was younger and dumber.

Loser

I don't want to be alone forever, I really don't! But when I try, everything dictates that I'll be forever alone. For a couple of weeks my energy is up. I'm well and happy, I've got some luck. Then low and behold, in it comes creeping. Sickness and terror and that panicky feeling. So I... Continue Reading →

Still Rough

The CVID has been in full swing the past few weeks. It only started with a sore throat, but by gosh I'm weak. It went on to flu and now an infection. My chest is collapsing, please give me some medicine. The next stage pneumonia, bronchitis, sepsis? This isn't fair, why should I except this?... Continue Reading →

Giving Up.

Waking up again this morning, nothing to do, no one to see. What's the point of getting up? I'm so fed up of being me. In pain, pissed off and oh so fatigued. Longing for some sort of release. Trapped inside this broken body. Pleading to finally be free. Crawling along, bearly lifting a finger,... Continue Reading →

Well that took a turn.

I let you corrupt me. Ok I wasn't a virgin but you took it too far. Our eyes met, and though I was excited I sensed something sinister. Yet I let myself get taken in, by your deep blue eyes and purly white grin. You stroked my hair and whispered in my ear. I know... Continue Reading →

Panic Attack.

Bish, bosh, bash. You're under attack! Your heart skips a beat, and you weren't expecting that! Smash, bang, wollop, I mean what a load of bollocks? It's punched you straight through the chest, and on the floor you dollop. A panic you've never experienced just shot through your chest. So much pain, you look down... Continue Reading →

Fingers Crossed

I feel too rough to fake it today. I am at zero enegry, even to put on my mask. My body is shaking and my heart palputating and I really can't be arsed. My neck and my limbs feel bruised and burnt, my mouth is just on fire. I cough and feel dizzy as soon... Continue Reading →

Sickness through out my body and mind.

A satisfying sight, the recovery from a fight. The sun shines brightly and the world's a delight. At least I can breathe and the cancerous pollution no longer has me. Finally I feel the glory, finally I'm free, the path is clear for me to see. Well didnt that start off so sweet, the remmsion... Continue Reading →

CVID

I guess it wasn't supposed to be? No one understands CVID. I get sick a lot more than you. 10 times a year I'll catch the flu. Just a few months past pneumonia grabbed me. All because of CVID. Oh you ask what does it mean? Common Variable Immune Deficiency. It means I get sick... Continue Reading →

More medication

Have you ever had those years, where you just can't catch a break? Where you'll have a glimpse of life, then something grabs it for the take. My health is very selfish and wants me all alone. Lying, pathetic in my bed with my mobile phone. It's hungry for medication and injections galore. Doesn't really... Continue Reading →

Note of appreciation.

Hey lovely person. Thank you for making me feel special. A person hasn't done this in such a long time. And I'm sorry if I seem a little offish since you were so sweet, but you see this is all foreign to me. I was under the impression that I was to look pretty but... Continue Reading →

Going outside with Anxiety.

It can be really difficult for some one who has anxiety to go outside. I can not venture out on a spontaneous one and don't really like letting people in my space spontaneously. So when some one like me gets let down especially a couple hours before we're supposed to meet. It's a massive set... Continue Reading →

BITCH!

I don't know if it's lack of motivation, sadness or both, but I haven't got the energy to people today. The thing is it's happening more and more, it's become completely normal, and I know that's not ok! However it's easy to collapse in this pit of despair, harder to claw your way back to... Continue Reading →

My bed, my only friend.

I gravitate towards my bed. I like to rest my weary head. Should I venture out instead? Nah, you know, I'd rather be dead. Socialize with other demons. None of them are really human. Stay inside and don't go near them. I'll just stay alone in here then. Why would I want any friends? Many... Continue Reading →

Fair game

Has anything happened in your adult life, that made you instantly regress back to childhood? That frightened and unsure state of mind that eventually lead to you being misunderstood. Where people think you're the one overreacting, because they're too intoxicated. But hold on I'm the child here, why with these people are we affiliated? Why... Continue Reading →

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