Panic Disorder

What was the trigger? Nothing really happened. Something inside is chocking me! I'm swollen, much bigger, my throat is tight. It's closing in, and I can't breathe! Sweating profusely, cascading droplets of fear. My mind is fractured, rapidly, racing! My chest pounding, ready to tear. My heart aggressively, pulpatating! My bodies is breaking, ready to... Continue Reading →

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Joker Grin.

Just because you don't understand, doesn't mean its not happening. Just because your soul is free, doesn't mean demons aren't trapping me! Don't tell me to get over myself, you can't feel my anguish. You don't know how you would spiral if you felt like this?! Every day when I wake up, I follow through... Continue Reading →

Deathly Anxiety

Oh no I'm really dizzy. Come on woman, dont pass out! You've had a lovely evening, what the hells the matter now? Not sure if its anxiety, or if I will just collapse? Palpitations, quickening, I really can't relax. You're such a silly girl, all you have to do is breathe! These techniques aren't working,... Continue Reading →

One of Those Years

When I wake up, I'm instantly drowning. My face is immediately frowning. Surrounded by the darkest day, my heart is filled, full of grey. Pain races through my body, anxiety courses quickly inside me. Panic sets in, not yet out of bed. Everything jumbled inside of my head. Whispers of rumours, clutter my ears, reciting... Continue Reading →

Possessed

Tears streamed down her face as she was hit with the realization that no one could hear her. She felt like she was screaming out in pain, but instead the hurt just hid, burried deep inside. She tried to dig her way back out, clawing at anything she could. However the harder she looked, the... Continue Reading →

An Other Appointment. Scan 50.

Good morning patient, how you doing there? If you wait a moment, I'll wheel in your chair. Don't worry about the ruckus, by the pissed off able ones. I promise to get to you, as soon as they're done! Ok then patient, thank you for waiting. But why are you sitting there, sweating and shaking?... Continue Reading →

I resign!

I was pushing through, but my oxygen depleted. I told you all before, I need isolation after meeting. But I let myself get bombarded, with everybody's woes. So much so, it's got me ripping at my hair and clothes. I need my cave now and I need to be left alone. I was taken for... Continue Reading →

Monster in my mind

I don't know why this is happening? I don't want to die! But lately I've been contemplating, my own suicide. Got that tricky demon whispering, living in my mind. Make the world swallow me whole, I really want to hide! It tells me lots of lies, to make me think I'm bad. Makes me think... Continue Reading →

Fearful and manic!

I'm feeling super anxious today, I actually might throw up?! I don't want people to see me. I wanna hide. It's just too much! I don't want to be on show, if it isn't on my terms. My stomach and throat tightens, splits and over turns. The panic stiffens my body, my neck and jaw... Continue Reading →

When you try.

It's happened again, I tried to be normal. Every time I move, I nearly fall. My legs are stiff, my bones are broken, the pain in my body had risen and woken. Stuck in one place for hours and hours, unable to even get washed in the shower. The more I try the harder my... Continue Reading →

Thanks for the Invite

You look so well, how have you been? It's been a long time since you were seen. You seem, healthy and smily, really happy. Yes but deep down inside I feel really crappy. I can't tell you that coz it'll dampen the mood. So I just smile and nod, try not to be rude. I... Continue Reading →

Loser

I don't want to be alone forever, I really don't! But when I try, everything dictates that I'll be forever alone. For a couple of weeks my energy is up. I'm well and happy, I've got some luck. Then low and behold, in it comes creeping. Sickness and terror and that panicky feeling. So I... Continue Reading →

Giving Up.

Waking up again this morning, nothing to do, no one to see. What's the point of getting up? I'm so fed up of being me. In pain, pissed off and oh so fatigued. Longing for some sort of release. Trapped inside this broken body. Pleading to finally be free. Crawling along, bearly lifting a finger,... Continue Reading →

Panic Attack.

Bish, bosh, bash. You're under attack! Your heart skips a beat, and you weren't expecting that! Smash, bang, wollop, I mean what a load of bollocks? It's punched you straight through the chest, and on the floor you dollop. A panic you've never experienced just shot through your chest. So much pain, you look down... Continue Reading →

Sickness through out my body and mind.

A satisfying sight, the recovery from a fight. The sun shines brightly and the world's a delight. At least I can breathe and the cancerous pollution no longer has me. Finally I feel the glory, finally I'm free, the path is clear for me to see. Well didnt that start off so sweet, the remmsion... Continue Reading →

More medication

Have you ever had those years, where you just can't catch a break? Where you'll have a glimpse of life, then something grabs it for the take. My health is very selfish and wants me all alone. Lying, pathetic in my bed with my mobile phone. It's hungry for medication and injections galore. Doesn't really... Continue Reading →

Going outside with Anxiety.

It can be really difficult for some one who has anxiety to go outside. I can not venture out on a spontaneous one and don't really like letting people in my space spontaneously. So when some one like me gets let down especially a couple hours before we're supposed to meet. It's a massive set... Continue Reading →

BITCH!

I don't know if it's lack of motivation, sadness or both, but I haven't got the energy to people today. The thing is it's happening more and more, it's become completely normal, and I know that's not ok! However it's easy to collapse in this pit of despair, harder to claw your way back to... Continue Reading →

Date Night

Erratic, pounding, bursting from my chest. How can one evening make you such a mess? Throat feels swollen, it's kind of closing up. It's date number 2, I can'tbelieve my luck? Yes its good nerves, but still it makes me sick and my stomach is tied up in knots. I feel like I'm floating, but... Continue Reading →

My bed, my only friend.

I gravitate towards my bed. I like to rest my weary head. Should I venture out instead? Nah, you know, I'd rather be dead. Socialize with other demons. None of them are really human. Stay inside and don't go near them. I'll just stay alone in here then. Why would I want any friends? Many... Continue Reading →

Mental Illness doesn’t mean crazy!

Oops. I think I scared you when I mentioned mental illness. Because to those that don't understand it, mental illness equals crazy. You think people like me have got a screw loose. The kinds of beasts that'll eat your babies. To you this imbalance in my mind automatically makes me dangerous. You act like if... Continue Reading →

Wash away the sadness

I'm so terribly sad, so much so my stomach hurts. The pain rises up and burst out! I'm broken and nothing works. A shell lost amongst the fishes, in the deep blue sea. They swim and frolic happily beside me. I'm unnoticeable, a small gem at the bottom of the ocean. The waves wash me... Continue Reading →

My new face.

I just looked in the mirror and didn't recognise my reflection. When did I get an old ladies complexion? When did my eyes start to look this tired? When did these turn up, these wrinkles all wired? Why when I frown, do lines decorate my face? Grey hairs sprinkled all over the place! Why when... Continue Reading →

Anxiety Elf.

Things were approaching normal again. The mainstream, just in sight. I even went on date yesterday and I had a lovely night. I went to bed all content, and wrapped up all in joy. Well, until my anxiety popped up, just to annoy! "For goodness sake anxiety, why can't you let me be?" "Well I... Continue Reading →

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