The lost

The trapped are calling me, screaming out my name. Hands over my ears, I try to hide from guilt and shame. They're trying to convince me that I am just the same. These problems self inflicted, only got myself to blame. I can feel their heartache, I can feel their pain. The blood of the... Continue Reading →

Loser

I don't want to be alone forever, I really don't! But when I try, everything dictates that I'll be forever alone. For a couple of weeks my energy is up. I'm well and happy, I've got some luck. Then low and behold, in it comes creeping. Sickness and terror and that panicky feeling. So I... Continue Reading →

Panic Attack.

Bish, bosh, bash. You're under attack! Your heart skips a beat, and you weren't expecting that! Smash, bang, wollop, I mean what a load of bollocks? It's punched you straight through the chest, and on the floor you dollop. A panic you've never experienced just shot through your chest. So much pain, you look down... Continue Reading →

BITCH!

I don't know if it's lack of motivation, sadness or both, but I haven't got the energy to people today. The thing is it's happening more and more, it's become completely normal, and I know that's not ok! However it's easy to collapse in this pit of despair, harder to claw your way back to... Continue Reading →

My new face.

I just looked in the mirror and didn't recognise my reflection. When did I get an old ladies complexion? When did my eyes start to look this tired? When did these turn up, these wrinkles all wired? Why when I frown, do lines decorate my face? Grey hairs sprinkled all over the place! Why when... Continue Reading →

Anxiety Elf.

Things were approaching normal again. The mainstream, just in sight. I even went on date yesterday and I had a lovely night. I went to bed all content, and wrapped up all in joy. Well, until my anxiety popped up, just to annoy! "For goodness sake anxiety, why can't you let me be?" "Well I... Continue Reading →

Pretty.

Oh my, I am overcome with ugliness today. Tears cascade down my cheeks longing for a change. Sickness bubbles in the pit of my gut. Burning my soul on the way up. Wallowing in self doubt and lotheable pity. Wishing once again that I could be pretty. Watching the beauties on show before me, looking... Continue Reading →

An other honest entry

It's creeping up on me more and more Every day. I thought I was getting better but the pain and anxiety is clawing deeper into my soul. I don't know what's bringing it on but I'm waking up every other night gasping for air, heart pounding, vice clutching pressure on my chest. My jaw stiffens... Continue Reading →

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