I don’t want to be alone forever, I really don’t! But when I try, everything dictates that I’ll be forever alone.
For a couple of weeks my energy is up. I’m well and happy, I’ve got some luck.
Then low and behold, in it comes creeping. Sickness and terror and that panicky feeling.
So I end up locked up inside. Laying in bed all day and night.
Wishing and longing for something to change. Something quite wonderful, something quite strange.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not asking for riches and material things. Just to be normal and see what that brings.
Get outside without panic and fear. In the summer sit in the pub garden, sipping a beer?
Simple things so strange to me now. Things I took for granted before, lucky cow.
I’m cross with myself, I’ve sabotaged everything. Forever I’m sad, sick or panicking.
As soon as I plan to step outside. The other me grabs me away to hide.
Cabin fever and agoraphobia, coincide. Leaving me wretched and not feeling right.
So all I can do is dream of a life, without any struggle, without any strife.
I’ll live in a virtual reality. Pretending all is ok with me.